The Z-Files: Alpha to Omega - Arc 01 - Chapter 9

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Chapter 9 - "Curse and cross-dressing and insanity, Oh my!" by Tashi the Templar

Um... the last time we heard from our heroes were that they were blasting the guts out of some reoccuring purple monster and Saint Faucet was eaten by a certain subterranean lava beast. Aka Tifa had turned into one of those purple monster thingies, and we're all armed with... interesting weapons, some more than others :)

Odd: Fly swatter!

Obviously, Odd here is enjoying his fly swatter and everyone else is confused about what is to happen next.

Achilles: Um.... weren't we supposed to go to some ball at the tower that was looming omniously overheard us?

Gerudo Pimp: Yeah, but we encountered some... interference during our little entrance to the place.

Presently, everyone is in some dressing stalls, getting into their costumes so they could inconspiculously enter the looming tower of doom to rescue the damsel in distress before they can find a cure for Odd.

Odd: Whhhheeeeeeee! Hojo! HOJO! Itchy itchy itchy!

Tashi: Ugh, too much cleavage for me. The two leather straps in front don't hide much of my chest.

Achilles: You're having troubles?! I have to try and fit in a stinking giant mascot costume! Red XIII or all creatures! Ow, my tail's on fire!!!!!

Aaron: Hey! I want to be someone! Don't leave me out!

Tashi(peeking through curtain): Weeell, I guess you could be Cait Sith!

Aaron(eyes bulge): WHAT?! Are you stinkin' crazy?!

Tashi gives him a look.

Tashi(Sephiroth): Fine, since Mebo's not a regular on this board...

Judicator(Dio): FOOOOOORE!

Mebo: Wha--- ahhhhhh!!

Mebo disappears in the sky, a little speck in the horizon.

Judicator(Dio): Heh heh. Hope he likes Japan.

Aaron: Yes! I get to be... Reno! But my hair's not red!

The Rock(Cid): Spraypaint it or something you #@$%$%^$##@!@#!

Amanda(Yuffie): Getting into character, aren't we?

The Rock(Cid): %$$#$##@#@#@$#%$%$!

Amanda(Yuffie): HEY!

Madcat(Vincent): Cool, never knew you could curse like that. Now where do I put this claw...?

Odd(Hojo): This labcoat's clingy... I hate this dirty thing... and this stupid wig... ooh! Butterfree!!

Liz(Elena): Um... I just popped in right here. What happened to Odd?

Arkman001(Rude): Damn this razor.... aiee!

aka Tifa(purple monster still): Raagghhhhh! *giggle*

Liz(Elena): Yeah... and what's up with her?

Aaron(Reno): She's still a purple something-or-another because she ate a certain purple monster.

Liz(Elena): Uh huh.... you guys are a crazy bunch o' coooks.

Everyone else: Thank you, we'll take it as a compliment *^-^*

Liz(Elena, sweating behind head): Alright, how you all managed to do that is way beyond me.

aka Tifa: MWHHHROOORRRRWWWW! *giggle*

Madcat(Vincent, shivers): aka Tifa must be cured!

Aaron(Reno): Is there some sorta epidemic going around here?

The Rock(Cid): $#@$#$%%##@@! *gasp* *gasp* #$@%$#$#$ #$@#$%##@@@!

Aaron(Reno, arching eyebrows): Yeeees...

Judicator(Dio): What he means is aka Tifa likes to stay like this...

Tashi(Sephiroth): but I'm the author of THIS part so she better be Aeris!

Aka Tifa (the purple something-or-another) suddenly dissolves into a pile of happy pink dust when a green gas suddenly shoots out from the invisible walls....

Arkman001(Rude): Invisible walls?

Yes, invisible walls!! Anyways, she turns back to Aerith, staff, pink outfit and big shoes and all.

aka Tifa(deemed Aeris by the author): Damn. This pink thing sucks.

Tashi(Sepiroth, stepping out of stall): Okay everyone, out of the stalls! and get yer weapons!

Everyone steps out with their disguises on. Strangely, they all managed to look the part.

Odd(Hojo): For some strange reason I feel like I want to hassle aka Tifa with scientific gadgets... hee hee, my mighty fly swatter!!

Aaron(Reno): Ohh, nice and comfy. I might get to like this part. Oh! Look, my trusty nightstick. Yowza! That's quite a shock.

Judicator(Dio): Why me? I look like a bloated balloon. And I don't have no stinking weapon.

Madcat(Vincent): ... This cape is heavy... but I like the gun heh heh...

Amanda(Yuffie): Is there a draft in here because I swear, it's cold. Oops, fly's open.

Liz(Elena): Blue suit, conservative. Niiice. But what's my weapon?

Tashi(Sephiroth, smiling insanely): One compact nose powder coming right up!

Liz(Elena): WHAT?! You must be kidding me. Are you INSANE?!

Tashi gives her another one of those looks as she taps the Masamune in her hands.

The Rock(Cid): Oh #@$#$%&$%$ $#$!! At least I get to swish around a spear and smoke so much I can never get lung cancer.

Odd: Mwheh heh heh... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Aaron(Reno): Nice evil laugh Odd.

Odd: hee hee, fly swatter.

Aaron slaps his forehead uselessly.

aka Tifa: WHY'D I HAVE TO DRESS UP LIKE THAT WHORE?! Arrghhh! This is driving me crazy!!!!! Stupid pink... woaaahhh!

aka Tifa trips over her enormously over-sized shoes. She spits at them and then launches the shoes away towards the direction of Japan. She prefers barefeet obviously.

Madcat(Vincent): Ooh, touchy.

The Rock(Cid): Blah blah blah. C'mon guys! We need to rescue that damsel in distress!

Tashi(Sephiroth): My thoughts exactly!

Amanda(Yuffie): Onward!!! For the glory of the... the...

Odd(Hojo): SCOOBY DOO!!

All: Yeahh!!!

Arkman001(Rude): Okay, this could just be the reflection I'm getting from the light that's reflecting off me bald noggin', but aren't we forgetting someone?

Aaron(Reno): Yeah... *jabs Tashi with Nightstick*

Tashi(Sephiroth): YOWCH!!! You liked that, didn't you? Quit it already.

aka Tifa(Aeris): *grumble* *grumble*

Gerudo Pimp(Barett): Allo!

All: Gerudo?!

Gerudo Pimp: I was being the pimp side of myself and got stuck in the executive bathrooms. It's like a labyrinth in there!

The Rock(Cid): Hold on a minute. Of course Gerudo was absent but...

Tashi(Sepiroth): My bad...

Madcat(Vincent): Yeah, but there was one essential person we missed.

Judicator(Dio): Oh my gawd!! How could I forget?!

Odd(Hojo): Tashi's hair is staticky and very silver coloury.. ooooh ahhhhh!

Tashi flinches and threatens him with the Masamune. Some people hold her back.

Liz(Elena): Well, don't keep us waiting! Who is it we ALL forgot.. except you?

Judicator(Dio): It's...

A figure steps from behind them. Everyone turns, as if one cue...

Arkman001(Rude): Aren't we on cue?

Shut up. Anyways, there, in a bright flash of light stood...

Shoo(Tifa): Hi guys! *^-^* I finally got into the Tifa costume! This miniskirt's a bit uncomfortable though...

All the males' jaws drop to the floor. Indeed, Shoo bore a uncanny resemblance to the legend, Tifa Lockhart. Amanda steps up to her... um I mean HIM!

Amanda(Yuffie): Something's wrong... he's got two more and two less parts of anatomy...

aka Tifa(Aeris, blushing furiously): Eeek...

Tashi(Sephiroth, blushing interesting shades): Oh dear.

Aaron was the first to recover.

Aaron(Reno): Shoo, where were you?

Shoo(Tifa): Well, I had to go to a certain part of China to get the costume and I went to this place with alot of springs...

Tashi and Aaron immediately light up in recogniton. Aaron shakes his head.

Tashi(Sephiroth): Gawd, don't tell me you fell into one of them...

Shoo(Tifa): Well, yeah. Something wrong?

Aaron(Reno, in a wise tone): Ah, Jusenkyo, the cursed springs. There very tragic legend of girl who drown there 1800 years ago. Now, whoever fall in that spring take body of girl...

Amanda(Yuffie): Curse those cursed springs. I wanted to be a duck!

Shoo(Tifa): OH MY GOD! You mean these things (points to a certain part) are REAL?! ... I feel disoriented.

Tashi(Sephiroth): Don't worry, you can turn back into a guy when hot water is splashed on you. Cold water changes you into a girl.

aka Tifa(Aeris): And this 'Jusenkyo' actually exists?!

Aaron(Reno): You can turn into anything there, if you fall into the right spring...

aka Tifa(Aeris, thinking for a moment): ... Cool!

Shoo(Tifa): OH MY GOD! I really am a girl!!

Tashi(Sephiroth): Um, I think we'll handle Shoo's... um... problem later.

Amanda(Yuffie): I wonder is there's a 'Spring of Drowned Scooby Doo'...

Everyone(as in the male population) is still drooling, not believing their eyes. Odd snaps out of it and grabs a thermos of hot water and a pail of cold water.

Shoo(Tifa): Oh no...

Odd: Heh heh...

End of Chapter 9

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