The Z-Files: Alpha to Omega - Arc 02 - Chapter 6
Chapter 6 - "Band-aids" by Oddfellow
Narrator: When we last left our bold platoon of limited intelligence, they had entered Walt Disney's Super Secret Fortress, in hopes of thwarting the villians evil deed of turning Shakespeare's Lost Script into a cutesy-poo piece of cinematic kitch... Possibly involving a small boy and/or girl who had no parents and find love at some point, I can't really tell.
Arkman: Yeesh. I hate orphans, with their big puppy-dog eyes. They just make ya wanna hit them, but you eventually end up taking them home and giving them clothes and stuff.
Oddfellow: You actually do that?
Tashi: Ahahaha! Sucked in by the puppy-dog eyes!
Arkman: But they look so pathetic...
Aaron: Anyhoo, we've got to determine whether or not this box is rigged or something. Have a a look around for wires or blatantly obvious digital counters.
They all search around the present for anything suspicsious.
Judicator: I think I found something!
Aaron: What is it?
Judicator: A Jell-O.
Tashi: Mine! Hee. Must have dropped it.
Tashi scarfs it down.
Madcat: Tashi, you keep complaining about how hungry you are, yet you seem to have the uncanny ability to produce food from thin air. How?
Tashi (looking at the Jell-O): ...I don't know.
Oddfellow: Hey, I found a tag! It says...
Oddfellow (in a big, booming narrator voice): "Behold! It is I, Walt Disney. And this, my unfortunate friends, is a present for you. Just to let you know that even though I mean you no good and would skin you alive with the flick of my wrist at any moment, it doesn't necessarily mean I'll be a bad host in my house. Keep what's in the box, I trust you'll find them most... deadly. Mwahahahaha!!!"
Madcat: That's not very subtle.
Oddfellow: "P.S. Sorry this note is really pathetic, after doing movies like "101 Dalmations" and "Aristocats", I have lost any use of the art of subtlety. I apologise for any poorly written notes or dialogue in advance."
Madcat (shrugging): Well, at least he's honest.
One Winged Angel: So what's in the box?
Aaron: I don't know. I'm not sure we should open it.
Tashi: You think it could be rigged?
Aaron: I don't know. Let's just see what happens of I pull this little bit here... Just a smidgen... Ooh, too fast... Slowly...
Oddfellow starts hacking away at the box with his flyswatters.
Before long, the box is reduced to shredded cardboard, revealing metallic armbands of a very cool-looking nature.
Judicator: Cool! What are they?
Tashi: I dunno, but they look cool!
Oddfellow: How would you sum this up, A?
Aaron: ... Cool.
Madcat: What do we do with them?
Oddfellow: PUT 'EM ON!!
Madcat: Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, for all we know--
Oddfellow races over and slaps on one of the wrist bands, then stands proudly.
Madcat: --they could be trapped, but seeing as you've already put one on it's a bit late for me to try and stop you.
Judicator: How do you feel, Agent O?
Oddfellow (thinking for a second): Fine.
Tashi: Feeling any sort of weird mutagenic substances running through your veins?
Oddfellow: Not really.
Tashi: Darn... Maybe they're not as cool as I thought.
Aaron: They do look pretty interesting, though.
Aaron, Judicator, Madcat and Tashi each put on a wrist band.
Aaron: Mmm... Looks nice on me.
Judicator: Hey, my one's got "Cyborg" written underneath it.
Madcat: Mine's got... "Dark" written there.
Tashi: This one's got "Water". A, what's yours?
Aaron (looks at the band) This one says "Lightning". How about yours, Agent O?
Oddfellow: Mine says "Fire". Hey, there's two left... "Light" and "Sound", who wants what?
One Winged Angel: I'll have "Light".
Arkman: Oh, man! I get sound. Boring.
Tashi: So what do these things do, are they just cool, or what?
Aaron: Beats me. They are kinda cool. Even if they don't do anything, I'd still probably lay down my hard-earned money for one. After all, they just teem with coolness.
Oddfellow suddenly takes a large gulp of air.
Tashi: You okay, O?
Oddfellow: Yeah... fine...
Tashi: Good, because we--
Suddenly, Oddfellow sneezes hard, and a ball of flaming mass is sent careening into a nearby wall, completely demolishing it. The other members of the team scurry for cover as plaster and dust litters the place. After everything has cleared, we see a very suprised Walt Disney peering from the other side of the hole in the wall, obviously taken by suprse while doing his evil, feindish things in his evil, fiendish way. Oddfellow straightens up.
Oddfellow: Whoo! Boy, that one was satisfying. Wait a sec... Hey! There's Walt!
Aaron: Hey! He's writing the script for his newest piece of Hollywood crap! We have to stop him before he finishes it!
Walt: It's too late, the script is finished and as soon as I post this to my animation studio, thousands of copies will be made, each one telling my story. I say MY story, even though it's really Shakespeare's, because I am an evil and nasty man. This wonderous piece of cinematic mastery tells the story of two small orphans--
Arkman: I knew it!
Walt: --Who start a trek from one side of the world to the other, in a quest to find their families. The boy orphan finds a puppy and becomes friends with it, even though the original script said that he fought the dog and bathed in it's blood afterwards, but that's not very appealing to the "5 year old plus" audience. The girl teams up with a racoon, who can talk for some strange reason, and eventually the two orphans meet up, realise they both are in the same situation and fall desperately in love... even though they are only 10 and don't really know much about relationships at all. So I made it so that they both grow up and have wonderful lives of love and wealth and prosperity, even though they are both orphans and very poor. All that needs to be done now is to sort out the voices. I think I'll have the two leads played by Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, so I can destroy another good movie's reputation along with heralding my own piece of genius. Maybe I'll---
Walt is interrupted by having a white beam almost flambe' his face.
Arkman: Hey, nice shot, OWA! You're getting pretty good with that thing.
One Winged Angel (beaming): Yay!
Tashi: Hey! Look what I can do!
Tashi fires a stream of glittering spring water in a focussed beam.
Aaron: Mine makes a cool "zap" sound when I move my hand. And I can fire lightning, as you probably guessed.
Aaron fires off a bolt of lightning.
Madcat shrouds the group in darkness.
Madcat: Man, these things are sooooo cool!
Walt: EXCUSE ME, I'M TRYING TO EXPLAIN MY EVIL DEEDS HERE!!!
Oddfellow: Geez, cranky. We heard you. You're gonna... post something and then it's... something about orphans... I forget, but it sounded nasty.
Madcat: I heard something about love in there, too.
Oddfellow: Right, well, the point is we were paying attention.
Walt: Anyway, you shall now face the awesome power of my personal bodyguard, Mr Staccato.
Mr Staccato stands forward, a brickwall-type, unmoving suited man. He cracks his knuckes and makes several quiet growling noises.
Madcat: Haven't I seen this guy before?
Mr Staccato makes no hesitation, and picks Madcat up, throwing him over his shoulder, then slinging him forwards, slamming him down into the pavement.
Madcat: ... owie...
Walt: I see you'll have some fun with him, so I'll be on my way to post this script.
Arkman: We have to stop him before he reaches the postbox!
Arkman runs after Walt.
Mr Staccato hurls himself upon Arkman and begins pounding him brutally.
Oddfellow: You'll never get away with this, Disney! You just too... aahh... too much of a ... aahh... AACHOOO!!!
A fireball almost destroys Walt, but he narrowly dodges it.
Walt: Hey! Where did you get my elemental wrist-bands?!
Judicator: You left them for us as a present.
Walt: Damn that means those cute little walking bombs are still in my labratory.
A loud BOOM is heard and out the window, a labratory is observed being blown to smithereens.
Walt: Drat! Well, it matters not, Mr Staccato will take care of you easily, even with those wristbands. So long!!!
(The Author would like to apoligize for the cliched line just delivered.)
Tashi: Ooh! Freshly delivered pizza! *Scarf!*
End of Chapter 6
Note: Can the team ever hope of overcoming Mr Staccato?
Will Walt Disney make it to the postbox and complete his evil, fiendish plan?
Will the team ever find out where Tashi is producing food from?
P.S. Glue mixes with fingertips very well. Glue and fingertips mix with table-tops very well... Help!!!!
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