The Z-Files: Alpha to Omega - Arc 02 - Chapter 1

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Chapter 1 - "Under the bed" by Oddfellow

(The Scene - The lounging room of the Z-files headquarters. The Company - Tashi, Aaron, Judicator, Aka Tifa and Gerudo Pimp.)

Tashi: Maaan! I'm hungry!

(She looks over to Aaron, who is chewing a Moro bar and thumbing through some crappy waiting room magazines.)

Tashi: (Sweetly) Aaaaaron! Can I have a bit of your Moro bar? Pleeease? (Flutters eyelashes.)

Aaron: Nope.

Tashi: Why not?!

Aaron: Because this thing cost me a bundle, now that Bingo raised the price of the food-dispenser since Aka Tifa kicked the face in.

Aka Tifa: What?! It wouldn't give me my change! And I only did it once!

Aaron: Twice.

Aka Tifa: It makes no difference.

Tashi: I'm HUUUNGRY!!! (Starts gnawing foot.) Ow! That hurts!

Gerudo Pimp: Clap-clap for the handicap.

(Oddfellow opens the door to the transmission room.)

Oddfellow: Come in, guys. Bingo's about to give us our mission.

(The pile into the transmission room. After shutting the door and performing the highly complex secrecy check--)

Oddfellow: Anyone spying?... No? Good.

(... The floating head of Bingo appears.)

Bingo: Everyone listening? This is going to be short, so pay attention. I --- Agent T, are you eating your foot?

Tashi: Uhhh... no. (Takes her foot out of her mouth.)

Bingo: Anyway, Your mission is to retrieve a golden amulet from the peak of Gorgon Mountain. Agent O will fill you in on details. Do you accept this mission?

Judicator: No.

Bingo: ... No?

Judicator: Yeah, no. I've been to Gorgon Mountain, it's boring.

Bingo: But... That mission was this series' plot!

Judicator: So get us another one!

Bingo: Uhhh... *sigh* right, Hang on...

(The group wait patiently as Bingo prepares another plot.)

Bingo: Okay, I just scratched this one up. It's a bit shabby, but that will cover all the plot-holes that may appear throughout the series.

Oddfellow: Okay, shoot.

Bingo: Somewhere under Agent O's bed, there lies a paper script for one of Shakespeares lost plays. It could be worth a fortune, and, if recovered, will give the Z-files a good name.

Aaron: Alright! We can get out of that "Just another secret service" rank!

Bingo: Exactly. No go, I'm sure Agent O knows enough to be your guide. Agents Madcat, Achilles and Shoo will meet you at the edge of the bed. Good luck.

(With that, Bingo dissappears.)

Tashi: Thanks a lot, judicator! Now we've got to go under Odd's bed!

Gerudo Pimp: Hmmm... That sounds... interesting. Will we need weapons?

Oddfellow: Probably. It's been a while since I ventured under there.

(Scene - Armoury)

Gerudo Pimp: Guns! Guns! Guns! (Starts drooling.)

Tashi: That's disgusting!

Aka Tifa: And chewing your foot isn't?

Oddfellow: Mmmm... corn...

Everyone: ... WHAT?!!!

Oddfellow: Uhhh, nuthin' (Tashi beats Odd around the head with a sandwich.)

Tashi: (Realising.) Aah! Sandwich! (Scarfs it down, regardless of where she found it.)

Aaron: Can we just get the guns and leave? The sooner we do this job, the sooner we can get back and play Air-hockey!

Judicator: (Picks up a hefty rifle.) I'll have this thing!... What is it?

Oddfellow: What's it say?

Judicator: "Blackhead master 2000 - The supercharged way to rip away unsightly blackh---" EEEW!!! (Drops gun, wipes hand on coat.)

Tashi: THAT's disgusting! Hahaha!!!

Aaron: I'll just have this thing. (Picks up a hand-held pulse-laser.)

Gerudo Pimp: Hmmm... There's nothing here that I like.

Aka Tifa: What about this thing?

Gerudo Pimp: A standard C6-AA55 Impulse-charger?!

Aka Tifa: Not standard! The Wave-head's been lengthened, the Circular disengager has been re-sounded and the Saftor-degree alignment has been adjusted.

Gerudo Pimp: Oooookay. Fine, that'll do for me then.

Aka Tifa: As for me, I'll just take the good ol' grenades!

Tashi: I think... this cheap rip-off of a light-saber will do me... Oh and this packet of chewing gum... Oh, and this Cheese-burger.

Aaron: Where on earth do you keep getting this food from?

Tashi: ... I don't know...

Oddfellow: Right, well... Hmmm... Ummm... What do I take... Hmmm...

Tashi: Oh, just take your damned fly-swatter!!!

Oddfellow: Okay! (Grabs fly-swatter.) But I guess I'll take this "Teeny-tiny-Zappy-boomer" as well.

(Odd takes the small gun and has a close look at it, then faces it toward the targets and pulls the tiny trigger. An enormous bolt of yellow fire streaks accross the room, hurling Oddfellow 50 neters backwards into the computer room. The fire hits the target with devastating force and explodes at the size of a small atomic bomb, wiping out the wall of the headquarters and throwing the Agents backwards, also into the computer room, slamming into computers and breaking everything. Once the almighty gust of wind dies, everyone sits up painfully and observes that the whole side of the headquarters is blown into oblivion and people outside are staring in, shocked.)

Oddfellow: ... Oops. That's gonna cost.

(Scene - Oddfellow's room.)

Achilles: I was wondering when you guys were going to turn up.

Aka Tifa: There was a little... difficulty in the HQ.

Oddfellow: (Quietly, Downcast) Lets not talk about it, okay?

Tashi: So, what's the verdict? Are we going under?

Madcat: I dunno... I think I saw a tentacle under there.

Oddfellow: I think you'll find a lot of those under there. I've only been under once, to retrieve a maths paper. I was lucky to escape with my life!

Aaron: Is it really that dangerous?

Oddfellow: Most of it is fine, just a few rowdy lint-balls... But there's one thing I've seen that is extremely dangerous.

Judicator: What?

Oddfellow: I was young when I saw it, but it was enormous. I don't even remember what it was like clearly, but I do remember that it was a bright orange colour.

Aka Tifa: Ew! Orange! THAT's disgusting!

Shoo: Enough talk, let's just go under.

To be continued...

Aka Tifa: Hey! I wanted to be person to say the last line!

Shoo: Too bad, I got there first.

Aka Tifa: Oh man!

Shoo: Quit it! I'm last!

Oddfellow: A-T-T-T-T-That's all folks!

End of Chapter 1

Notes: I have no idea what I'm doing.

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