Well, well, well,what a Christmas had. I'm aware that many countries at this time will still be celebrating, but socks to them because I'm not. Anwyay, I had a pretty good Christmas, all things considering. My pyromanic cousins, my champion drinker Aunty, and the ever-present Swamp-Dog all made for an interesting, nay EXCITING, Christmas! Let's review;
- Now let me tell you that I'm not one for getting up early in the mornings. I used to be able to sleep 5 minutes a night and my natural hyperactive abilities would have allowed my bouncey nature to show all day long, regardless of the lack of peaceful slumber. Nowadays, however, I find myself sleeping in more, enjoying the sensation that comes when you drag yourself out of bed at 1:00 pm, still sleepy because you've slept too much. Ahh. But that's not my point, my point is that because Ben, my older brother and the only brother I have left in the country, had to leave an hour later to go to work! So we all piled downstairs, Mum, Dad, Ben and Myself, and proceeded to rip into the presents wrapped neatly under the artificial tree, which is much better than our usual real trees which smell nice but leave wonderful little pine needles all throughout the room. Twenty minutes later that was over and Ben ate some croissants and was on his way down to Queenstown. Mum and Dad went back to bed and I stayed downstairs, watching the oil drip and ooze in this thing that Kevin got me. It's flourescent yellow! ^_^ Yellow!
- The extended family on my Mum's side would be coming around for lunch soon, so I felt that getting fully dressed was probably a good idea. Wore the nice black shirt I got this morning and some black pants. This is the closest I have ever been to dressing like a goth. You'll forgive me if I say "Fuck off, I'm not wearing that lip shit!". The cousins started arriving, as well as friends of my Mum. Emma, Mum's friend's Daughter, played "On the Bus" for a while, and when it became quite clear that I was undefeatable she started defeating me. Then I decided to stop playing because I'm a poor sport, and I buzzed around a little more, playing passes with a rugby ball with my male cousins and cousins-in-law.
- Food was up. We all rushed to get the good stuff, like the chicken bits and moist ham, leaving out the things we don't like, like anything green that isn't Jelly, or weird stuff that we don't know how to pronounce. My cousin Lydia, who's 5 days older than me, had almost an identical plate of food to me, so we competed to see who could find the smallest potato to have on our plates. I won, of course, because not eating bulk healthy food is second nature to me. We got harassed a lot for not having much on our plates, but we don't care. After making a toast and saying grace we all downed our chardonnay and dug into the food. Christmas crackers were pulled and broken. Everyone got these really pathetic jokes and party hats, along with a small plastic toy that served no purpose. I got this flourescent green cat with something in his hand, but the crafstmanship was such that I couldn't tell what it was. I suspect it was a broom. Bridget, my youngest cousin, went around doing her kleptomaniac routine, stealing all the good lollies and toys from people and soon had a vast collection of useless cracker-kitsch. Her brother had fun touching peoples' legs under the table with the extended grippy hand things, that you can break the middle finger on and make it look like it gives you the finger. Alan, my Aunty Nicky's boyfriend found a remarkable way of drinking wine with the hand thing, which many people tried immediately to emulate. This ended in sorrow as many crystal glasses were broken. But it was a good time.
- Time to open presents, as is the tradition when all the food is eaten. One by one, presents were given and opened, revealing all sorts of trinkets and strange door-knockers. (Family joke.) All us cousins got our regular 6-packs of coke and McDonalds vouchers, so we were set for the day. Thanks for all the presents everyone!
- Spoke with Mike and Candice online, which was really nice. It was Christmas Eve over there, so I told them to have a merry Christmas, and I invited the rest of the family (24+ people!) into my PC room to speak to them over the webcam. Most of the oldies were stunned at the technology, but Grandad jumped in regardless and started his loud talking to them. We made fun of Mike's goatee and my cousin Hamish performed some rather lewd acts against the camera. When Mike and Candice had watched their eyes out with industrial-strength Drano, we bid adieu and wished them a Merry Christmas.
4:00 - 10:15 pm
- Not much really happened throughout this time. Most of the family had dissappeared after 4:00. I helped Dad pack the van with tables and chairs, then sat down to watch some TV and chat on the Net. I watched "Jason and the Argonauts", indulging in my passion of Greek Mythology, pointing out all the little inaccuracies. Then Kevin called and we decided to go for a walk.
- Went for a walk with Kevin. Having just scarfed down 2 mince pies, I was feeling pretty heavy, but that didn't stop me from going on the swings in the park, which just about everyone does. It did, however, stop me from going too long on the roundabout, because my stomach decided to do loop-de-loops in my gut, which didn't make me feel so hot. We walked and talked for a while, then spun around in a field until we got so dizzy we fell down and felt sick again. Well, I did because that pie made me feel sick, I think Kev was fine. So we lay onthe grass and chatted for a while. When we got up, we walked home and split up halfway from our houses. All in all it was a very productive day.
So there you have it, my Christmas day, stripped of all it's depth and all it's anecdotes for all to see. Having to read this from the page and not being able to involve yourself in my day is pretty stink because you'll never get to hear a great Santa joke that my perverted Grandad told me!
Hope everyone had a great Christmas, and make sure you enjoy your New Year! Don't drink and drive! Change your underwear daily!
"Now, would you like to see my big, fat c**k?" - Hamish Monk, 2001 XD