Journal - 19/01/02

 Kawaii like me - 19/01/02

I'm not anybody's fool, let's start by saying that. I can tell right from wrong, I know how to count to 10, and I have no stocks invested in ANYthing. Judging by a fleeting glance at me, you may even think I had a brain of my own, which would only be a half-truth in honesty, but nevertheless, it is to be known that I am not a complete idiot. That being said I now find myself more then addicted to anything cute. That's right, cute. How did this happen, you ask? How did someone of my staunch position and esteemed sense of violence get into this terrible addiction? The answer is very simple, and I can explain it in two words. Peer Pressure.

While this might sound to you as the ravings of a weak-minded person, I assure you that view is probably correct. I am a weak-minded fool who falls for anything cute. But this did not happen overnight, I remember pieces of this puzzle being placed long before I realised my predicament. The Hello Kitty trinkets strewn around our house after Haruka, our Japanese exchange student, left. I remember thinking "The Princess Bride" had to be the best movie in the world because there was such a happy ending to it. I even remember how I used to like the Smurfs because they sounded so cute when they said "Smurf-tastic" or something equally dripping with liquid sugar. It's the small things like that that you overlook, that you never notice until it's nearly too late. At these kind of ages, the only real achoring force bringing you down from the cuteness-high you've been on is your sport-head uncle saying, "What a load of crap, this shit will turn your brains into cotton candy!" Then he'd go on about how the only real stimulation there is in life is the earth-shaking crunch of a well-timed tackle,and how the only thing worth living for in life was the feeling of joy you had when you realised the tackled person broke his arm on contact. Stupid uncle.

But there was truth in his words, not the ones about bone-breaking and well-timed tackles, but of the cutesy things turning people into mindless sugar-lovers, bent on making the world more like an episode of Pokémon, where no problem, even life-threatening, lasts longer than a half-hour, and everyone invloved becomes a better person. But this isn't the only problem faced with this crippling affliction. The other symptom is that everything must be blown out of proportion, no questions asked. For people with this illness, life isn't enough by itself, it has to be filled with adventure and torment and making up in the best ways. It's this kind of sickening behaviour that makes more families lose their bonds and turn into the Tanner household. Let me explain this with a comparitive roleplay:

Normal Suzie

Mom: Suzie, dinner time. Get off the computer and come down.
Suzie: I'm just going to say goodbye to the person I'm chatting to.
Dad: No, come down now. We're eating.
Suzie: *sigh* Fine.
Mom: There's a good girl. You can chat afterwards.
Suzie: That's okay, I'm pretty much done, anyway.

Cute Suzie

Mom: Suzie, dinner time. Get off the computer and come down.
Suzie: I can't, I have to finish this chat. It's vitally important.
Dad: No, come down now, we're eating.
Suzie: You never care what I do, it's all about you!!
Mom: Suzie, we just want you--
Suzie: No! I'm not going to take it any more, you've caged me up for so long, but now I'm going to run away and never come back, ever!! *Runs off.*

If I was the father in the last role-play, you can bet your bottom dollar that the next line in the play would have been, "Thank fucking God!" But my sailor-talk aside, cuteness is a very strange and dangerous frame of mind to be in. And I've fearing the worst for myself. Lately I've been noticing cute things, and it's becoming harder and harder to ignore them. My shame of the hour would have to be walking past a pet shop, stopping, then going in to pet the fuzzy bunny! I'm so ashamed of myself. A male such as myself, a man among men, petting a fuzzy white bunny because he looked so cute. Also I read excess amount of webcomics, but only the ones with relationships being a focus, so I can watch the roller-coaster of emotions and events. I can't help myself.

Luckily for me, and for others out there, the answer to this is simple. It's something we've had for a long time, something we've grown to neglect. It holds a power of violence so unique that if it's energies are untapped to a person exposed to cuteness it melds together to create a power so raw and strong that no other force can put it down. The source of this power; Quake 2.

This proved to be a tremendous asset in the war fragging... or at least, fragging me. With my newfound abilities as a hybrid Cuteness patient and Quake player, I was able to crush my flatmate in a one on one deathmatch. Using my Sephiroth model I was completely invincible. Kevin, my flatmate, tried all sorts of nasty tricks to put me down. He used a model that looked nothing more than a piece of gibbage, to which he only found that death continued. After a few more kills, he used a completely invisible model, but this too was ineffective against my wrath. The cuteness bubbling up inside me made my senses strong and my firing accurate, and after 35 consecutive frags he realised he was no match for me, even with an invisible skin, which he changed from thereafter. Managing only 1 kill throughout the entire game, a shameful score for even a beginner. And so, in an attempt to embarass Kevin as much as possible, here's the score for the end of the match;

As you can see, score indicate that the player "Oddfellow" had nearly a complete domination of the game, despite "bob"'s invisible skin. This would indicate that Oddfellow's foot had created a kicking action that successfully hit it's target, namely bob's hind quarters.

So the point of this little ramble is, if you're feeling the need for cute things and you feel like you can't go on. Just play Quake 2 against someone and you'll feel MUCH better in the end!

 Quotable Quote:
"Isn't it strange how in Georgia if you commit sodomy, they put you in a jail cell with another man who's going to sodomize you!" - Robin Williams

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