Oddfellow's Emotion for the Day - 08/12/01
Estranged from Life
It's funny how you can never really tell who people are. The closest ones to you are the hardest to figure out, I've found. There's always a lesson to learn and always a secret kept from you, but that's no reason to be unhappy. I guess I'm just not seen as the trusted type. Suits me fine, I suppose, because after all the secrets I kept for my brothers when we were younger, I've probably run out of capacity for secrets, hence why I find it hard to keep my own silent.
I don't think I've felt so useless before. Unemployed, no real hobbies apart from typing this bullshit out to mostly deaf ears, and unless a mircale happens, no visible love life to speak of. Sure, I know many, many people are in the same situation, and I guess the only use I can be to those people is that I can tell them they're not alone in their little worlds, feeling useless and down for the count. I've got so much potential, but if companies can't see that, I'm screwed as far as job-seeking goes. It's funnt to think that I've been unemployed for all the time I've been creating this site. Perhaps if I stopped writing it...
The most solid topic on my brain right now is how some humans, not all humans, just some, are the worst bunch of emotionally-dead life-fuckers I've ever heard of. Take this story told to me just a few minutes ago. The woman, Katherine, who comes to clean my parents' house had an 18-month old black labrador dog, who loved being with everyone and going places, so much so that he'd follow the car unless you tied him up. Some friends, visiting for the weekend, neglected to tie him up and opted for a swim down at Ashley Gorge on a blisteringly hot Sunday afternoon. The dog willingly ran behind the car to be with the people inside, and they thought it was a hoot to see him run so far. He followed them all the way to Ashley gorge, nearly 20km of constant running. When they were returning, he followed again, running in the blistering sun. Slowly, he started tiring, and they didn't stop for him to let him in. He slowled down to an unstable trot, and they didn't stop for him. Finally, they all laughed and hoted when the dog finally stopped. When they got home, Katherine asked where the dog was, to be told by her "friends" that he'd stopped halfway from Ashley Gorge. They also said, "Great weekend, we gotta go, see ya!" and left her. She raced down Ashle Gorge road and found the dog, on his side and dying from Heat Exhaution. Though she took him home and tried to treat him, he was taken to a vet and died a day later. Can any one of you out there tell me just what kind of sick fuck does something like that?! Leaves a loving dog to die in the sun and laughs at it? As Katherine says, "It's unforgivable."
All in all, I'm unhappy at the moment. The only real releases are walking and talking with Kevin and having the occasional moment with Joe. I rarely see most of my friends nowadays, they all seem to be busy with their own lives, which I'm not blaming them for. I just want to be part of the bigger group again. I'm not happy with life at the moment, and I just want to take a step back and rearrange it to suit me more. But I've got one thing, and that's faith in the Lord above, I know he'll be there, even when nothing else is.
Take care, people. Enjoy yourselves!
"This sock, that sock, they're all fucking socks!!" - Oddfellow, 2001
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